I Had A Little Bit Of A Bad Day Yesterday

I had a little bit of a bad day yesterday - and not really BAD, just questioning, wondering, asking why kind of day.

Really there were some fun moments - I met Beth and Emery at Babies R Us and I held Emery while Beth bought diapers. I worked on a sewing project, planned out my lesson for Wednesday night (16 little whippersnappers - it's a big class). I cooked pizza and made a big salad. We watched Lost and I still feel a little lost about it all. I stayed up and finished Anne of Green Gables. So you see I actually had a pretty nice kind of day.

But my mind would not leave me alone with peaceful thoughts about babies, Bible class, pizza and TV shows. I kept thinking about the people of The Gathering/Karing Kitchen. What am I doing down there? Am I helping? Are we doing any good at all? Are people loving Jesus because of it all? Why do so many who come choose the same destructive behavior over and over? How do they live with all the sadness and struggle in their lives?

Pam - a single mom who has been in an abusive relationship for the last 3 years. Her boyfriend is in jail because he beat her, but she's saying things like, "He's really not so bad." And "I miss him." And "I wonder how he's doing?"

Sheila - got married a couple of weeks ago to a man she'd known for about 5 minutes. It's not her first marriage. Sigh. Why?

Regina - a crack addict who on Monday night said, "Miss Dana, you know I take drugs and I can't stop - don't you?" Yes I knew. She's got kids.

Mary Jane and Robert - a couple who have had their little daughter taken from them, and probably with good reason. But they miss her, mourn for her, and they don't get to see her. Their electricty is about to be cut off. Do I give them the $50 to keep the lights on?

Darryl - seemed really down Monday night. I know he struggles with depression.

Joy - a beautiful schizophrenic whose Honduran boyfriend was deported last week. He'd lived in the US for 14 years and was rounded up at work. She said to me, "He kept me sane! What am I going to do!!" I went to check on her Monday evening and she was watching movies with a "friend". How do I even begin to make a difference in her life?

The two tables of Hispanic men who come every Monday night. I really can't communicate with them, but they always smile and try to tell me thank you for the food. I know they're separated from their families and probably stand out on the corner at El Michoacan every day to get work.

These are just a few of the people that were on my mind yesterday. Don't get me wrong - there are many stories of faith and absolute victory that come out of The Gathering. But yesterday they would not leave me alone with all of their suffering, bad choices and neediness.

I let Greg have it at supper last night. What! Why! How! He listened patiently and said, "We're making a difference. It may not be obvious right now. But we have to love these people. We have to keep trying. We have to pray." I love him so much. I love the words that come out of his mouth. I love his positive attitude and reliance on the Holy Spirit.

So I guess I'll work on my attitude today.